walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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