I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
