So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
