My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
