Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
