I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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