drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
They took my balls.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
