i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
