i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
