You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
