so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
