well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
