Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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