just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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