before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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