Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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