Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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