after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
