She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
