tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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