JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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