saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
