Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
