I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think i got beer on your cat.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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