When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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