just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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