guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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