I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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