A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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