trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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