legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
