I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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