Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
