I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Randomize
