I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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