I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
