Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
