Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
