I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
