fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
