I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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