Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Tornado booty call.. dedication
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
