she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
