No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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