HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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