She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
