Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Alive.
So much puke
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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