my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
