I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
