jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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