Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
