you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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