tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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