Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Let's paint friendship bongs
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
