I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
