oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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