You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
