drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
