White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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