Is it normal to miss your booty call?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
