Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
