Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
