I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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