So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
whose parrot is this?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize