i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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