okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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