Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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