it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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