using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
