I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
