Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
