what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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