My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize