The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize