I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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