Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
