So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
