I got chris browned last night
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This house was built for laser tag.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
