Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
