you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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