??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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