Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
last night I used snow as a chaser
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
