Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
