NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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