I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
