apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
